Owning "I don't know"

I’ve pretty much always been a die-hard fan of the idea that action is what brings results (not surprising considering the world we live in operates on this idea for the most part). First, you plan and set goals. Next, you employ discipline by taking action towards those goals. Finally, you react to circumstances and with luck and flexibility you will meet your goals and get results. It’s completely logical and very satisfying because there’s a lot of control in that process.

There’s a lot about that process that did not produce feelings of happiness for me though. Many times, the whole planning thing eluded me because I didn’t actually know what to do or how to plan for what I wanted. Often the action that I thought I should take wasn’t fun or reinforced a story that didn’t feel right to me. Sometimes even if I had planned and taken action, the results didn’t come or didn’t conform to my expectations. I began to believe that there was something wrong with how I was approaching the process or with my discipline or with the goals I had set. I lost confidence in my intuition and got stuck in a big “I don’t know” cycle: I don’t know how to plan for this, I don’t know what steps to take, I don’t really know what I want, so how can I plan or take action, if I can’t take action I can’t go anywhere, I’m stuck but the only way to get unstuck is to do something, etc. Yuck!

Lately, though, I’ve discovered that the most liberating, happy-making thought I can have is “I don’t know.” It’s a big leap, I realize, but the reason “I don’t know” is so hard is that typically we attach fear to it as if not knowing will bring us misery and only knowing will bring us what we want. But what if we don’t have to know anything? What if good things can happen to us without knowing how and when they will come and without knowing exactly what we want? What if doing something is beside the point? (How does that thought make you feel? A little scared at not having control over the process maybe? Good! That’s exactly where I’m poking you. Poke. Poke.)

The Law of Attraction (1. Ask, 2. Answer, 3. Receive) says that if you ask for something and then come into alignment with it, you will have it every time. At no point during this process do you have to know anything.

Step 1 is asking, which we do all the time anyway. Even if we don’t know exactly what we want, we are always asking for more happiness. I’d like more money because then I’d be happier. I’d like to be healthier because then I’d be happier. I’d like to be in a great relationship because then I’d be happier. When we’re faced with contrast in our lives we are noticing what we don’t want and asking for a situation that makes us happier. If you know something specific that will make you happier, great! But you don’t have to know for good things to come into your life.

Step 2, the how/where/when, is completely and utterly out of our control. And what a relief that is! Let’s compare thoughts for a minute. Which feels better: “I can’t get what I want unless I know how or when it will come to me.” or “I don’t have to know or worry about how or when things I want will come to me.” “If I don’t plan and stick to a plan for getting what I want, what I want will never come to me.” or “The plan for getting what I want has already been taken care of, all I have to do is be happy.” For step 2, not knowing is better! Even if we can think of five different ways what we want could come to us, attention to those thoughts put us out of alignment with the hundred other ways that would work. Why not embrace something that is beyond our wildest dreams? (See how fun that thought is? What comes to me will be beyond my wildest dreams!)

Step 3 is coming into alignment with what we want. Here’s something fun: by rejoicing in “I don’t know” you’re at least halfway there. “I don’t know” has so much baggage attached to it usually. (I don’t know: but I should; and it scares me; and not knowing will keep me from getting what I want; but other people do and not knowing makes me less or dumb; and there’s only a limited amount of time to figure things out.) If we can say, “I don’t know and I’m glad I don’t know because it makes my life so much easier,” we’ve knocked a big obstacle to happiness out of our way.

The tricky (and awesome) part of Step 3 is that we can’t work or worry our way into alignment. Thinking, “I need to work on that” creates an out of alignment vibration. So does thinking or worrying that we need to be better or more or different than we are. What brings us into alignment is feeling happy. What brings us into alignment is feeling content. If our reaction to wanting more is “Woohoo! I’ve just asked for more and now it’s coming!” we’re in alignment. If our reaction to wanting more is, “What do I do to get what I want?” we’re not in alignment. We don’t do anything, the Universe/Source/God does all the doing. We get to focus on being happy and the only action for us to focus on is the action that makes us feel eager or passionate or excited or content. Yes, that’s right, we can come into alignment with anything we want by petting puppies or playing with kittens.

Now, I’m not saying that if we enter a puppy vacuum where all day is playing with puppies people will knock on our doors with handfuls of cash (although I guess I’m not ruling it out, because Hello! Doggy Day Care). I’m saying that if the only thing we care about focusing our attention on is things that bring us joy then we will be inspired to do things that will bring us what we want. We won’t have to struggle or force ideas or pound the pavement. We will just play and be inspired and let our world move around us to bring more and more and more happiness into our lives.

If thinking about the future makes you unhappy, focus on the now. Instead of worrying about what will make you happy in five years or five months or five days, think about what will make you happy in five seconds or five minutes or five hours. Will taking a break or going for a walk or eating a candy bar or calling your best friend or petting a kitten make you happy in five minutes? Do it and appreciate the fact that by doing it you’ve moved that much closer to everything you could ever want. Recognize that being happy in five years starts and ends with being happy right now, right this second. Everything else will take care of itself.

Here are some affirmations that will help us own “I don’t know,”:

• “I don’t know how, but everything will work out.”
• “My life is so exciting because I don’t know how happiness is going to pop up next in my life.”
• “I’m so relieved I don’t have to manage all the details of my happiness.”
• “I’m grateful that I can delegate the logistics of the manifestation process to the Universe.”
• “It’s so fun to focus on being happy rather than figuring out the pesky details of things.”
• “Every day something wonderful I never imagined comes to me.”
• “When I concentrate on things that make me happy rather than things I “should” be doing my life is so much easier.”

This post was cross posted from the Uncover Your Bliss Blog.