Making Your Life Easier

Reinventing What You Can Do
We all have stories we tell ourselves about what we can and can’t do. My prototypical limitation story was that I have a terrible sense of direction and can’t find my way around. This story started out reasonably enough: I do have a horrible sense of direction. I made it worse by believing my sense of direction controlled my ability to get where I needed to go easily. I was so used to my “I always get lost” story that I didn’t notice when it wasn’t actually true. I was letting myself get lost and remain apprehensive when I had to go somewhere new by reinforcing the story that getting lost was inevitable. Once I changed my attitude and let my internet directions and cell phone be my safety net, I realized I was pretty good at getting around when I paid attention. Of course, that didn’t stop me from buying a GPS for my car, but I see it as a way to make my life easier not as a way to keep myself from screwing up because I can’t get anywhere without getting lost.

Many people believe they can’t figure out technology to the point where they don’t even try. I know one person who only emails from work because figuring out email clients at home is too daunting. I’ve heard about another person who was afraid to use a mouse. I run into people nearly every day who automatically glaze over when any kind of technical subject even comes up in conversation. It’s one thing to not want to deal with certain information or situations, but it’s another to keep telling ourselves that we can’t do them or figure them out. We’ve internalized the stereotypical stories our culture and families have told us about what we can and can’t do instead of discovering the truth for ourselves. We believe stories that begin “Women aren’t good at” “Older people can’t” “Men don’t know how to” and apply them to ourselves and the people around us without trying to prove those generalizations wrong.

What if turning our perspective around about things we generally don’t want to deal with actually makes our lives easier? I have saved so much time and energy by printing out directions, having my cell phone handy, and believing that I can make it to new places ok. I have built websites and databases and learned new software because I just assumed that I could do it–and then I took my time if I became confused. I used to believe I couldn’t really cook, but after watching a lot of Food Network and experimenting, I pushed through the basic learning curve and now have the confidence to make gourmet meals. (And guess what? Sometimes they don’t work out–we just grab some fast food and I learn from my mistakes so I can try again.)

If we face the world with an attitude that we know everything we need to know and can figure out any problem that comes into our path (or at the very least find resources to help us find solutions to our problems), our lives would be much simpler. We can miss opportunities if we assume new situations are beyond our capabilities without making a good faith try.

Write a New Story
There are steps you can take to rewrite the stories you tell yourself about what you can and can’t do. If it helps, pick something minor like learning a new skill or work backwards with a negative story you’ve already rewritten for yourself.

1. Think about something you consistently tell yourself you can’t do.
2. What brought you to the conclusion that you can’t do it?
3. How would your life be better if you could do it with ease?
4. When was the last time you attempted to work on this thing (if ever)? What made it a negative experience?
5. What steps could you take to acquire competency in this area?
6. Are there resources available to help you through that process (like classes, friends, or informational websites)?
7. Make a plan for learning this new skill that includes lots of positive reinforcement and fun.

Read about how I used these steps to break down my personal story about not being able to get around.