Food Glorious Food

As a larger woman, I have lots of issues around food.  I love food, I hate food, I love cooking, I hate cleaning.  I love eating, I hate feeling guilty about eating.  I need to keep track of what's going in my body, I hate my entire world being about what I eat.  There is a powerful dichotomy between needing to be conscious of my food issues, and not wanting to be part of the self-defeating diet machine so prevalent in this country.

In line with my last blog post, my next step on my path to learning about my body and dealing with these food issues is eating really well and being grateful for every bite.  I've been cooking more (while trying to be efficient about cleaning) with indulgent ingredients and paying attention to all five senses.  I'm training myself to treat eating as an experience in pleasure and satisfaction.  I've been making creamy mushroom ragouts, gooey lasagnas, juicy chickens, succulent steaks, flaky and buttery scones.  I've been using imported olive and truffle oil, fresh and exotic cheeses, organic broths and eggs.  I've been listening to my cravings for pineapple juice, chocolate, rich tomato sauces and soups, savory breads.

When I eat, I take the time to taste nearly every bite and take a moment to be happy about the flavors and textures of the food.  Even if the meal is something quickly prepared, I revel in the comfort of familar taste and easy preparation.  I'm teaching myself to love food without guilt.  To find the pleasure in sustaining my body and mind rather than wallowing in the guilt.  The result is I haven't been eating just because it's there.  I've been able to recognize when I'm full and stop when I'm there because I know there will always be more and it will always taste amazing.  I'm learning to find complete satisfaction with the entire process of eating.

This is how I want to live!