As a larger woman, I have lots of issues around food.  I love food, I hate food, I love cooking, I hate cleaning.  I love eating, I hate feeling guilty about eating.  I need to keep track of what's going in my body, I hate my entire world being about what I eat.  There is a powerful dichotomy between needing to be conscious of my food issues, and not wanting to be part of the self-defeating diet machine so prevalent in this country.

In line with my last blog post, my next step on my path to learning about my body and dealing with these food issues is eating really well and being grateful for every bite.  I've been cooking more (while trying to be efficient about cleaning) with indulgent ingredients and paying attention to all five senses.  I'm training myself to treat eating as an experience in pleasure and satisfaction.  I've been making creamy mushroom ragouts, gooey lasagnas, juicy chickens, succulent steaks, flaky and buttery scones.  I've been using imported olive and truffle oil, fresh and exotic cheeses, organic broths and eggs.  I've been listening to my cravings for pineapple juice, chocolate, rich tomato sauces and soups, savory breads.

When I eat, I take the time to taste nearly every bite and take a moment to be happy about the flavors and textures of the food.  Even if the meal is something quickly prepared, I revel in the comfort of familar taste and easy preparation.  I'm teaching myself to love food without guilt.  To find the pleasure in sustaining my body and mind rather than wallowing in the guilt.  The result is I haven't been eating just because it's there.  I've been able to recognize when I'm full and stop when I'm there because I know there will always be more and it will always taste amazing.  I'm learning to find complete satisfaction with the entire process of eating.

This is how I want to live!

One of the blogs I've started reading regularly again since I finished graduate school is Occupational Adventure.  Its author, Curt Rosengren, helps people transition into fulfilling careers.  He has a great quote on his most recent post:

Tension is who you think you should be.  Relaxation is who you are. 

~Chinese Proverb

I've started a new personal development blog to help launch my life coaching business, so I will be cross posting some of the entries here.

Cross posted from the Uncover Your Bliss Blog.

Gratitude is a funny thing. Sometimes it’s the hardest thing in the world and sometimes we can feel so overwhelmed with it that it stops us in our tracks. Gaining perspective on gratitude and seeing what a powerful and positive force it is is important if we want to draw positive things into our lives. At it’s core, gratitude is the way we acknowledge the blessings that come into our lives. We take a conscious moment to think about how fortunate we are that something has happened and connect to the positive energy that is flowing towards us. The more grateful we feel, the more energy flows in our direction and brings us the things we want. That sounds great, right? Why would it ever be hard?

When Gratitude Is Hard
I can think of three reasons why it can be hard to be grateful: 1) We feel obligated or indebted to someone for helping us; 2) Someone else has more than we do and what we have just doesn’t feel good enough; 3) We don’t really feel like we deserve what we have. Let’s break these down.

We feel obligated or indebted to someone for help us.
Sometimes it’s hard to accept that we can’t do everything on our own. We want to be independent and exposing our soft underbellies to other people makes us uncomfortable as does the feeling that we “owe” someone. Here is something to consider: No one has ever made it to a place of happiness without the help of others. We are going to need other people to achieve our goals. When you accept that help, think of it as an opportunity to participate in a cycle of abundance. Giving and receiving is not a system of counting and keeping score. It is a cycle of helping and gratitude.

People will be put in our path who have the knowledge or connections or resources that we will need at that time and they will share what they have with us. This is where we put our gratitude to work. We are grateful they were put in our path. We are grateful for the demonstration that what we need is around us. We are so grateful we are drawing what we need into our lives that we are itching to share what we have with someone else when the opportunity presents itself. By expressing gratitude and passing it on, we draw more and more abundance into our lives.

What we have just doesn’t feel good enough.
We’ve all done it. Someone we know has great news about something and we pretend we’re excited for them–and maybe we really are–but there’s a twinge inside us and a little voice that says, “Why can’t I have that?” Wanting and longing aren’t bad things in and of themselves. They are an illustration of what we want and a movement of energy towards those things. The problem with being jealous of what others have is it assumes that there is limited abundance in the world. When others are blessed with abundance, it does not mean there is less abundance to go around. When you ask yourself “Why can’t I have that?” the answer is, You can! By celebrating with others when they are joyful, we are affirming joy for everyone–including ourselves.

We don’t really feel like we deserve what we have.
You probably know someone who just can’t ask for help, or can’t take a compliment, or who spends most of his or her time taking care of other people. Maybe you are that person–I have certainly been in that place. The message this sends it that we are not worthy of the happiness that comes into our lives. By not asking for help what we’re saying is, “I don’t deserve any help.” By spending all of our time taking care of others and not ourselves we are saying, “I don’t deserve to come first.” Unsurprisingly, a huge obstacal to drawing abundance and happiness into our lives is believing we don’t deserve it.

When something good happens and we don’t feel worthy of it, we wait for something or someone to take it away–for the “other shoe to drop”. We sometimes wonder what the catch is, as if there’s no way we could receive good fortune without strings attached. I’m here to tell you that every one of us deserves all the happiness we can possibly stand. No matter what choices you’ve made or how you’ve lived your life, you absolutely deserve abundance. The key to shifting the abundance towards you is learning to receive it by being grateful when it comes. Take a moment to feel gratitude when someone helps you or says something nice to you. Revel in the moment and think to yourself, “At last, the royal treatment I am due!”

Gratitude as a Daily Practice
There are some easy ways to train yourself to be grateful in your daily life and learn to draw more and more positive energy around you:

• When you eat something that tastes wonderful, take a moment to truly experience the act of eating it. Let yourself feel joy at how good it tastes and how satisfying it is.
  
  
• When you take a warm shower, consciously feel how pleasurable it is to be warm and clean. Buy soaps and shampoos you love to smell.
  
  
• Savor the moments when someone says a kind word or brings you something you need.
  
  
• Live in the moment when a pet offers you unconditional love and affection.
  
  
• While you’re going through your morning routine, think of five things you’re really grateful for–whether it’s people, objects, or experiences in your life.
  
  
• Experience gratitude as a physical process.

Cross posted from the Uncover Your Bliss Blog.

Reinventing What You Can Do
We all have stories we tell ourselves about what we can and can’t do. My prototypical limitation story was that I have a terrible sense of direction and can’t find my way around. This story started out reasonably enough: I do have a horrible sense of direction. I made it worse by believing my sense of direction controlled my ability to get where I needed to go easily. I was so used to my “I always get lost” story that I didn’t notice when it wasn’t actually true. I was letting myself get lost and remain apprehensive when I had to go somewhere new by reinforcing the story that getting lost was inevitable. Once I changed my attitude and let my internet directions and cell phone be my safety net, I realized I was pretty good at getting around when I paid attention. Of course, that didn’t stop me from buying a GPS for my car, but I see it as a way to make my life easier not as a way to keep myself from screwing up because I can’t get anywhere without getting lost.

Many people believe they can’t figure out technology to the point where they don’t even try. I know one person who only emails from work because figuring out email clients at home is too daunting. I’ve heard about another person who was afraid to use a mouse. I run into people nearly every day who automatically glaze over when any kind of technical subject even comes up in conversation. It’s one thing to not want to deal with certain information or situations, but it’s another to keep telling ourselves that we can’t do them or figure them out. We’ve internalized the stereotypical stories our culture and families have told us about what we can and can’t do instead of discovering the truth for ourselves. We believe stories that begin “Women aren’t good at” “Older people can’t” “Men don’t know how to” and apply them to ourselves and the people around us without trying to prove those generalizations wrong.

What if turning our perspective around about things we generally don’t want to deal with actually makes our lives easier? I have saved so much time and energy by printing out directions, having my cell phone handy, and believing that I can make it to new places ok. I have built websites and databases and learned new software because I just assumed that I could do it–and then I took my time if I became confused. I used to believe I couldn’t really cook, but after watching a lot of Food Network and experimenting, I pushed through the basic learning curve and now have the confidence to make gourmet meals. (And guess what? Sometimes they don’t work out–we just grab some fast food and I learn from my mistakes so I can try again.)

If we face the world with an attitude that we know everything we need to know and can figure out any problem that comes into our path (or at the very least find resources to help us find solutions to our problems), our lives would be much simpler. We can miss opportunities if we assume new situations are beyond our capabilities without making a good faith try.

Write a New Story
There are steps you can take to rewrite the stories you tell yourself about what you can and can’t do. If it helps, pick something minor like learning a new skill or work backwards with a negative story you’ve already rewritten for yourself.

1. Think about something you consistently tell yourself you can’t do.
2. What brought you to the conclusion that you can’t do it?
3. How would your life be better if you could do it with ease?
4. When was the last time you attempted to work on this thing (if ever)? What made it a negative experience?
5. What steps could you take to acquire competency in this area?
6. Are there resources available to help you through that process (like classes, friends, or informational websites)?
7. Make a plan for learning this new skill that includes lots of positive reinforcement and fun.

Read about how I used these steps to break down my personal story about not being able to get around.